On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
