"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
