I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
