Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
