I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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