it's too hot outside to masturbate.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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