If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
