i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Less talking, more tequila
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
