I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
