We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
