Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
