Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
