Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your cock deserves a montage
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
