I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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