I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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