Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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