My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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