And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
