I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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