you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
