Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
where am i from again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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