why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
