we're blogging at a bar
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need water and some morals
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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