He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize