i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
