I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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