I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
