I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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