Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Randomize
