just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
