Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
