You work out of a Hotel?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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