I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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