Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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