I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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