Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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