you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
