she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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