just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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