Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
