um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
