dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
