its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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