Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
