every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
