Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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