So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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