You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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