I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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