I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
