I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
