I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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