I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
