i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
