when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
