PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
