Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
