Can Purell be used as lube?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
