Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
