guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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