I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
