I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
